Understanding Temperament: 9 Traits That Shape Your Child’s Behaviour (And What You Can Do About It)

As parents, we often wonder why one child seems easygoing and adaptable while another reacts strongly to every change or takes time to adjust to new situations. The answer often lies in temperament - the biologically-based traits that influence how children experience and respond to the world.

Temperament isn’t something we choose. It’s the unique blueprint each child is born with, and it plays a big role in their emotional, social, and behavioural development. Recognizing your child’s temperament and your own can help you parent with greater empathy, patience, and effectiveness.

Let’s take a closer look at the 9 traits of temperament and the three general temperament types many children fall into: easy/flexible, challenging/spirited, and slow to warm up/cautious.

The 9 Traits of Temperament

1. Activity Level

   
   

   How much physical energy does your child have? Are they always on the move, or do they prefer quiet play?

   
   

2. Rhythmicity (Regularity)

   
   

   Is your child predictable in their appetite, sleep, and routines—or more irregular and unpredictable?

   
   

3. Approach/Withdrawal

   
   

   Does your child jump into new experiences or hesitate and hang back?

   
   

4. Adaptability

   
   

   How easily does your child adjust to changes in routines or new environments?

   
   

5. Intensity of Reaction

   
   

   Are your child’s emotional responses strong and dramatic, or calm and low-key?

   
   

6. Threshold of Responsiveness

   
   

   How sensitive is your child to sensory input (like lights, sounds, textures) or changes in the environment?

   
   

7. Quality of Mood

   
   

   Does your child generally appear happy and positive or more serious and prone to frustrations?

   
   

8. Distractibility

   
   

   How easily does your child get sidetracked from a task by noises, sights, or thoughts?

   
   

9. Attention Span and Persistence

   
   

   How long can your child stay focused on an activity, especially if it’s challenging?

The 3 Temperament Types

1. Easy/Flexible (about 40% of children)

These children are generally happy, adaptable, and have regular routines. They handle transitions and new people well, and are relatively low-intensity in their reactions.

2. Challenging/Spirited (about 10%)

Often called “strong-willed” or “high energy,” these kids are active, intense, and sensitive. They may resist change, have unpredictable routines, and need time to self-regulate but they’re also passionate, creative, and full of zest.

3. Slow to Warm Up/Cautious (about 15%)

These children are more hesitant in unfamiliar situations. They may seem shy or reserved at first but usually open up with time and support. They thrive with gentle encouragement and consistency.

Note: About 35% of children show a blend of these styles.

Every Child Learns Differently — and That’s OK

In my music classes, I often see spirited children who need to move more, touch everything, and express themselves with big energy - and that’s OK. I make space for that energy and try to meet them where they’re at, offering active engagement that channels their enthusiasm.

Other times, I notice children who prefer to sit quietly on a caregiver’s lap, observing the room, taking it all in without much visible participation. And that’s OK too. I’ve learned not to mistake stillness for disinterest, some children are deep thinkers, observers, and quiet processors.

This reminds me of my own experience as a child in dance class. My mom would drop me off, and for a few weeks I’d come home and show her all the dance moves I had learned. One day, the instructor told my mom that in class, I never actually danced, I just sat in the corner and watched. My mom was stunned. She said, “But she does every single move at home!”

Unfortunately, I was pulled out of the class due to a lack of understanding. What they didn’t see was that I was learning just in my own way. That experience has stuck with me and informs how I view children today. We all engage with the world differently, and our learning styles are as unique as our personalities.

Why Temperament Matters in Parenting

Understanding your child’s temperament helps you meet them where they’re at. For example:

• A spirited child may need more help calming down and feeling understood.

• A slow-to-warm-up child may need time and space before jumping into social situations.

• An easy-going child might adapt well but still need help expressing big emotions when they do arise.

Just as important is recognizing your own temperament. Are you naturally flexible? Do you get overwhelmed easily? Do you thrive on routine or spontaneity? Your style affects how you respond to your child and whether you naturally “match” or “mismatch.”

Matching, Not Molding

The goal isn’t to change your child’s temperament but to understand and support it. This is called “goodness of fit” adapting your parenting to match your child’s needs so they can thrive. When we shift from “fixing” to fitting, we build deeper trust, reduce power struggles, and help our children feel seen and supported.

Final Thoughts

Every child is different and that’s a beautiful thing. Whether your little one is easy, spirited, or slow to warm, they have unique strengths and challenges. As parents, our job is to listen, observe, and adjust. By tuning into your child’s temperament and your own, you can create a more harmonious relationship and help your child grow into their full, authentic self.

Want to learn more about how your child learns and grows? Join us at Blossom Musik, where every child is celebrated for exactly who they are!